Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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