it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
