Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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