he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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