As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
either way he was missing a nipple.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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