That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
