I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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