He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
