All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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