Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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