3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
