Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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