i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
