You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
