Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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