carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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