shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
