I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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