if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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