Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
