someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize