I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
