I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
