Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
