i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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