Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
