I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
