Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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