you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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