I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
