anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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