When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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