Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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