my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
