How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
