She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
