I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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