I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
