I think im going to throw up on grandma
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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