my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
