I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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