so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
