So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
