I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sobbing to NWA
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
