oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
