I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
