this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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