The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
