all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
