saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
