I CAN MOONWALK!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
