do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
