He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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