one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
