Me too!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
